on termination

today was my last day of individual therapy. it's a big day in a lot of ways. i've been seeing a therapist for almost six years, this particular one for almost five. the relationship with one's therapist is a very intimate one--albeit complicated and one-sided.

we first brought up the idea of "termination" about two months ago. after flaking out on several appointments, i faced up to the fact that it could be a possibility. i'm at a different place in my life. despite the economical hardships i explore here, for the first times since perhaps my childhood, i have been experiencing a prolonged and constant content with my life--happiness, if you will. so it turned out that every time i went in to therapy, i didn't have topics of deep significance to "work on."

i feel a bit lonely about it. besides the fact that my therapist is very good, i've grown to like her a lot. and she has really helped me dig myself out of depression--a depression i've had since i was at least ten years old. (the image of jung above is a kind of tribute. my therapist mentioned a couple of times that of the psychoanalysts, jung was her favorite, though she always refused to identify as a jungian.)

when i quit my job, my therapist gave me a discount on my sessions. i ended up paying half of her hourly fee. before i went to session today, i imagined winning the lotto and handing her a big check to make up for the money she discounted me. i imagine she wouldn't take that money now.

anyway. i'm not completely out of the care of mental health practitioners. i still go to non-individual therapy and you might see me writing about it here in the future. but for now, please share my bitter-sweet triumph. here's to hoping for continued mental health.