on how to do everything and yet nothing at all

so yet another t-day has come and gone and here i am on the other side of thirty. and i'm both moving and stuck at the same time. ever have one of those days (or months, or years) where you feel like you are doing a lot of things, yet nothing seems to get DONE? well, welcome to my world.

things have been getting done, i mean, kinda. i finally uploaded that website i've been working my ass off to complete. you can see it here. it turned out pretty okay, and far more web compliant than i thought when i started.

this being my second web gig, i have one more to go before i'll be out of those gigs. i've been writing to people on craigslist to try to get freelance stuff, but alas! if any of you readers wants a webdesigner, lemme know. ah, who am i kidding? most folks who want to do web design either know how to do it themselves or are willing to shell out lots and lots of money to get someone with a graphic design degree to do it. but i thought i would ask.

so, like i says, i feel like i'm doing a lot, but nothing gets done. nothing of mine, that is! in fact, last week, i sat at the piano, and worked on a few lines from a song i've been writing. great! now it's further along, but how much do you wanna bet it won't be done by the end of the year? have i mentioned that list i keep on my wall of my projects in progress? have i reported checking any of them off?

i guess what i'm coming up against is a deluge of inspiration, but a certain lack of focus. every time i read a friends blog or look at a book, i think, "cool, that's actually doable, i can do something like that..." and the truth is, i can. but what happens when i have this scattered body of work, everything a first go, but hardly any sophomore works in the same medium? am i destined to do one-offs for the rest of my life? how the hell can i expect someone to pay me as an artist to do that?

one person who has actually been inspiring me in these moments is kristina wong. it seems she went through similar woes only a couple of years back and now i look at her and am totally inspired by where she has been going. then, of course, the insecurity sets in, where i think: well, kristina is so good at just getting stuff done, and she's started to focus on stuff, and maybe i think i can do stuff like she can, but what if i try and find out i'm not half as talented as she is? and stuff. it's a tough place to be.

and i've been working on different blog posts for a while, and this isn't even one i've been working on! shit on a stick, i say. shit on a stick. well, if you see a comic posted here about my days at the shop, please know that i've actually finished one of my projects, as tiny as it might be.

blerg.