on music crushes

okay, synchronicity is my word.

so, i've been getting back into music (see previous posts) to a religious degree, even. well, last week, lovely partner (a baltimore native) sent me an article marin alsop, the new director of the baltimore symphony orchestra. she is currently being touted as the "first woman conductor of a major american orchestra."

since about the age of 11, or so, my dream was to become a conductor. i worked through high school pursuing this dream. i applied to oberlin because it had a masters program in conducting. i ended up in composition because it was the only thing i thought i could possibly be accepted into a conservatory doing. unfortunately, i only began taking conducting classes just as my ardor for classical music started to wane. i wanted out so bad, that i did not complete the conducting sequence and was therefore not able to apply for the MA in conducting. conducting seemed so elitist, so hegemonic, a symbol of the evils in the world i was working against. besides, i was supremely insecure about my musical talents and smarts, and i couldn't bare the thought of standing in front of hordes of musicians who i thought were better than me. so i let go of the dream. i don't regret it, but to this day, i have small fantasies of waving a baton for a local high school orchestra or community string ensemble. we'll see.

this all came flooding back to me as i read about alsop. i found one of her recordings of brahms in a used cd store. neither i nor lovely partner have ever liked brahms. but we somehow liked this recording. then, lovely partner and i spent last night watching the videos on her website. she's so enthusiastic and articulate about the music she directs and her vision. she loves new music and is committed to programming living composers at almost every concert.

every video clip we watched, we kept saying, "oh my god, she's amazing. and she's such a dyke!" and thus began our crush on marin alsop. because of my past as a conductor and conductor wannabe, my crush is much more evident than lovely partner's. so much so that she kept teasing me and saying, "i'd lend you out to marin alsop." it turns out that alsop is out and has a french hornist partner and a son.

regardless, we are converts now. we even planned a trip back to lovely partner's baltimore family around an alsop-directed bso concert. yes. we bought the concert and plane tickets in that order.

i know this crush is all part of my return to music. it seems that i'm meant to return to it with a new intensity and fervor. and that is exactly what is happening.