i'm still here

so, i'm stressed out. jiggling my leg impatiently as i inhale the bad cancer-causing smoke that i told myself i would quit by the time i was 30.

this is the first time i've wished i had an anonymous blog. because i'm working through a certain stress that i wish i could vent here. but i worry that someone relevant to the stress may read this blog. i doubt it, since one of the things about the relevant person(s) is that they seem very clueless to my life. but i can't risk it.

i don't have an anonymous blog. i've been tempted, once or twice. but since part of writing this blog is about putting my voice and therefore "name" out there as an artist, i've signed on to everything with my real name.

so i'm wound tight and i don't know what to do. not only is there this unbloggable stress, but there is also the creative capital "letter of intent" deadline one tuesday (3pm EST) and at least one if not two city grants due monday. and a book review. and some web stuff. haha.

lovely partner has been encouraging me to think for myself. to prioritize what is the most important and to fight for what i need. she rarely gives bad advice. this is no exception.

on other newsfronts, i'm midway through a story that is haunting me. it's another rude one that bound itself in front of other ideas in my head. spilling from my pen until i realized it would prolly be the next of my finished tales. i decided earlier this evening that i will bite the bullet and include a certain taboo that creeped into my mind a couple days ago. i'm worried it will "taint" the story. but it actually lends itself to the plot. so, we'll see.

okay. wish me luck.

i just wanted to shout out to two folks. ana l, have a good trip. i'll miss you. kw, you're beautiful. just keep performing.