Sunday, March 9, 2008

i want, or, erotica for myself

big wants:
1. i want to experience life as nam june paik described. with all 10 holes. ("Male human body has nine holes. Female body has ten. When all holes are filled, you have satisfaction. Purpose of inter-media art is to plug all holes as fast and efficiently as you can." though, he really miscounted. we technically have 12 functioning holes. bio-men, sorry, you still only have 9.)

2. i want my hands to be the source of the world. to build, to destroy, to love.

3. i want to sift and cull and eliminate: bullshit, boredom, and all things that tell me i should not exist in this world.

4. i want to fail miserably, in front of many people, with my heart and soul distended and raw. i want to pick up those pieces, reassemble them, and make anew. i want my successes borne of failure. exquisite, perfect, disastrous failure.

5. i want slow fucks. i want fast fucks. i want mind fucks and heart fucks. i want to fuck and be fucked. i want to fuck until i cry. i want to fuck until i laugh. i want to fuck alone. i want to fuck the world. fuck fuck fuck. don't stop.

6. i want to defy death but pass peacefully. i want to end war but never stop fighting. i want to conquer disease but never stop healing.

7. i want to know my fears. i want to live with them. i want to talk to them and learn about them. i want to wallow in my fears and learn to be brave.

8. i want to learn to live in my body. i want to know every inch of it and what it can and cannot do. i want to love its limitations and push its potential.

little wants (specifics):
1. i want to be working in my body with the opera by april. i want yvan to show me how to do that.

2. i want to finish this short story by next week.

3. i want to spend at least an hour every week by myself with my thoughts. no people, no dogs, just myself.

4. i want to show my work, my unfinished crap-ass work, to many people and listen to what they say.

5. i want to go to a show, reading, gallery, movie, at least every week.

6. i want momoko to visit me in my dreams and tell me why she became what she did.

7. i want to hit a home run every game. i want to sink 10 free throws in a row. i want to climb five flights of stairs and still breath easy.

8. i want creative capital to to invite me to apply. i want to write the best application i know how--specific, clear, persuasive. i want creative capital to award me a grant.

9. i want to book a space, advertise, and perform an in-progress show of my opera music. before the peaches in my yard become ripe.

10. i want to know who you are.


Jen said...

kt, what a great post. thank you so much for sharing this. i want to do this exercise! and thank you for the link to Nam June Paik. i hadn't known of him, and i've been enjoying learning about his work this afternoon.

kristina said...

if you put something in all your holes you will suffocate. i find eating hummus to be pleasure enough.