Sunday, March 2, 2008

on crazymakers

in the artist's way, julia cameron spends a significant section on "crazymakers." here is what she says:

"crazymakers are those personalities that create storm centers. they are often charismatic, frequently charming, highly inventive and powerfully persuasive. and, for the creative person in their vicinity, they are enormously destructive."

in addition, she lists the following bullet point descriptors. crazymakers:
break deals and destroy schedules
expect special treatment
discount your reality
spend your time and money
triangulate those they deal with
are expert blamers
create dramas--but seldom where they belong
hate schedules--except their own
hate order
deny that they are crazymakers

she doesn't go so far as to say, "eradicate those crazymakers from your life," but rather says instead that we should ask why we still tolerate them. why we let them block our creativity.

i have spent a lot of time with crazymakers. i once tried to direct a show where half the cast were crazymakers. of course, that show never happened.

i know that i have been a crazymaker in the lives of others. i think we all have the potential to be crazymakers. but we actively choose not to be. it's an act of vigilance.

lovely, wonderful, sage-like partner has encouraged me to allow my anger toward my recent crazymaker to blossom. i am angry. but i can't let it go completely. i see the crazymaker in myself and falter. but i think i need to embrace the rage. because i've worked so hard to not be a crazymaker to others. i deserve the same courtesy.

i do. i really do.


Jen said...

i'm sorry to hear about the upheaval you're experiencing. may the spirit of mary j shine on you and soothe yr soul (no more drama!) your post made me think back to what i used to experience as the vital energy of crazymaking. (giving and receiving.) like rage instead of love as an activist energy, or an erotic attraction to meanness in place of butchness--those were areas of spiritual and emotional confusion for me. can see them clearly now, but remembering the confusion makes me wonder what confusions i am living with today and not seeing clearly....

la rebelde said...

hmmm...crazymakers sound a lot like narcissists. i'm sorry you have to deal with the crazymaking. i like the idea of "asking why we still tolerate them." i used to have a serious crazymaker in my life (you know who) and i finally had to cut her out--not because i did not care about her, but because having her in my life was turning me into someone i had been working hard not to be. of course, i am responsible for my own actions, but i have to admit, despite my willful resistance, i had a hard time spending time with her and *not* being influenced in some way. in the end, i think, we had fundamentally different ideas about what it meant to be a part of an activist community--or any community for that matter. that experience forced me to make wiser decisions about who i let into my life in meaningful ways. i hope you are able to set some boundaries with your crazymaker. you do deserve the same courtesy.